ADHD, sensory systems, and communication

Do you not notice that you’re hungry until you’re raging? Do you bump into things constantly? These are just two examples of how our sensory systems can affect those of us with ADHD. And they have a lot more to do with communication than you might think.

This week, author of ADHD & Us and licensed clinical social worker Anita Robertson breaks down the three hidden sensory systems. Join Anita and Cate as they talk about how these can affect relationships with ADHD, and share some tools that can help. 

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

Related resources

• Interoception and sensory processing challenges

• ADHD & Us

• Anita’s website, anitarobertson.com

Timestamps

(04:19) What is a sensory difference?

(08:21) What are the 3 hidden sensory systems?

(11:05) How does interoception impact ADHD?

(14:47) The vestibular system and ADHD

(20:28) Proprioception and ADHD

(23:05) Sensory systems and communication with ADHD

(26:56) How do we start identifying our sensory needs?

(30:21) Where you can find Anita

Episode transcript

Cate: Hi, everybody. I'm Cate Osborn and welcome to "Sorry, I Missed This," the show where we talk about all things communication, relationships, intimacy, and sex with ADHD. Today's show is going to be formatted a little differently than what you're used to because we are breaking down sensory processing differences and how they can affect communication and relationships with ADHD.

So, to open this week's episode, I have kind of an embarrassing and funny story for you. Last night, literally last night, I was teaching a class for about 50 young people about ADHD and intimacy and communication. And one of the things that I always really like to highlight when I'm having these conversations is the importance of understanding our sensory systems and how our sensory systems like proprioception and interoception and our vestibular systems can impact and and affect our communication and our relationships, right?

And so, I'm info dumping about the importance of like, you know proprioception and interoception and like, you know, sometimes it's hard for me to know if I have to pee or not. And this lovely young woman in the back of the class raises her hand and she's like, "I don't understand how any of this is related to relationships or communication at all."

And it really made me pause because I think I have gotten so used to these conversations. I've gotten so interested in these topics that I think sometimes I tend to approach it from a "of course everybody knows this" and I realize that that was a flaw in my teaching style. And so, in going into this episode and having this incredible conversation, I wanted to sort of clarify and explain why understanding this stuff is important.

And what it comes down to is that what is going on with you internally and externally impacts how we communicate. If you struggle with something like interoception, which means you'll learn in this episode, but it means interpreting your body signals, right? Am I hungry? Am I thirsty? I'm I tired? Am I cold? If you struggle to feel those things and then you find yourself emotionally dysregulated, and then you find yourself in a really tough conversation with your partner, not knowing that actually you're not mad at them, you're just hungry and you need a snack, that can impact dramatically our communication.

And the same thing goes with our vestibular system. When our vestibular system is overridden, it becomes sometimes overwhelming for some folks with ADHD to communicate effectively. There's emotional dysregulation involved, there's discomfort involved. There is a feeling of "There's something bad going on inside me and I'm not quite sure what it is, but I know that it's coming out in a way that is impacting our ability to communicate openly, honestly, and vulnerably with each other."

So, I kind of outlined that for the kids last night, and they were like, "Oh, that makes a lot more sense." And so, in moving into this fabulous conversation that I had with our amazing guest, I wanted to sort of name that and explain that because we're going to go into depth on these sensory systems and what they are and how they function in our bodies. But I wanted to make sure that going into this conversation, you had that thread laid out for you, because if a roomful of people don't understand it, maybe I could have done a better job of this.

So, joining me today is Anita Robertson, author of "ADHD & US: A Couple's Guide to Loving and Living with Adult ADHD." Anita is also a licensed clinical social worker, she's a social justice advocate on both the local and national level, she's a couples therapist and coach, and we are so excited to welcome her to the podcast today.

Anita, thank you for joining us today.

Anita: Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

Cate: I'm so excited. I'm so excited. And I really feel like this conversation about sensory processing and how ADHD can create sensory processing differences. I think it's really important in how we contextualize ADHD and how ADHD shows up in our own lives.

Anita: Yes, and it's kind of been my own little hyperfocus and passion project because I discovered all of this because of my kid, and I always get surprised why people aren't like so, so excited. And this seems like the most obvious thing to do, so.

(04:19) What is a sensory difference?

Cate: First off, 101 class one on one level, can you start just by defining what exactly is a sensory difference?

Anita: So, we all learned in school like our five senses, right? And so, if you think about it, there's certain people that like, if you've been to Meow Wolf, for example, there's lots of lights and sounds and all these different experiences. Some people are like, "Woo!," you know, like my kid went in there, he was like a cat on catnip. It was like, you know, the fuel for his brain he didn't know he needed.

Cate: For our listeners who don't know what Meow Wolf, Meow Wolf is like this massive art installation. It's like the size of a warehouse, and you go in and just every room is different and there's little stories and little puzzles that you have to solve, and all of the art is interactive and it is completely overwhelming. And the last time I went, I lasted 25 minutes.

Anita: So, there's things that people tend to get more overwhelmed or they're like, "Oh, I need more of it." And so, I think we can kind of look at like what we know of our senses and say like, "Some things don't bother me, but bother other people, certain touches like smells" like we all have a spectrum and the majority will fit in. Like the world is kind of made for those people to tolerate those senses.

And then the interesting thing is, is that we have three hidden sensory systems, and those are the ones that I think are really helpful for people to know. So, when you're starting to meet your sensory needs and understanding what are the brain differences and what are your sensory differences, then you'll be able to get your body the fuel that it needs.

And so, how I kind of explain it sometimes to clients or the non-ADHD partner is, you know, it's like hunger or sleep, right? Like some people can go off of 6 or 7 hours of sleep and they are truly fine and other people need like 9 or 10 to be functional. One isn't like better or worse, it's just different. But knowing what you need in order to function helps you be successful.

And so, when you understand what are the sensory systems, the hidden ones, especially because we kind of know and have learned the other five, it makes it so much easier and it impacts that communication between individuals, relationships, school, classroom, all of that stuff so much that it's why I love doing what I do, love working with people and giving them the tools, and they're like,"Oh my gosh, this works."

Cate: And you know, one thing that I do want to highlight or ask you about, I guess, is when we talk about sensory differences, there's different ways that they can affect people, right? So, for some people, they might be very overactive, for others they might be underactive. That's right, right? I'm not off base?

Anita: Yeah.

Cate: OK.

Anita: So, they kind of started switching the language into like over-responsive are under-responsive systems. So, you might have heard of a sensory seeker. It's like you see that stereotypical kid that's like crashing into things and running and spinning it and like, doesn't know their own strength type deal. So, those are the sensory seekers. But that's really saying that you have an under-responsive system. So, it's like you're eating but you're not getting that nutrition, so you just need more and more and more of those calories. And so, that's what your body is actually looking for.

And then you have these over-responsive systems. So, it's like people when they feel wet, some people can like tolerate it and other people can't. And so, it's like your system is overreacting so everything feels really big. And a lot of times this is actually a source of like sensory-based anxiety. And using the sensory tools is so much better than any of the behavioral models that we have in mental health and which is why it's like kind of combining these fields.

And this is why I work with an occupational therapist. I search for like two years to find one who would be excited as me, which she is, who works with adults and is like all about ADHD. So, like we've done trainings together, we share clients together, we have a very like comprehensive collaborative approach because there's certain things that, yes, you can learn, like what you might need more of or how to balance it out. But there are things that actually will help change your system so you can get the information or kind of reduce the information of just like that overwhelm.

(08:21) What are the 3 hidden sensory systems?

Cate: So, Anita, you've mentioned them a couple of times and now is the moment. What are the three hidden systems that we need to know about?

Anita: OK. Yay! All right. So, one, we have the vestibular sensory processing system that is in your inner ear. So, think of like people who get motion sickness, you know, that's a sign of over-responsive. So, like spinning, yoga, inversions, balancing, moving around is hitting that inner ear which kind of tells you like how fast you're going and kind of like where you are in motion.

The proprioceptive sensory system is in your joints. So, like when you're engaging your muscles in your joints, you're getting proprioceptive input that helps us tell us where our body is in space. So, it's very common for ADHDers to be known to be kind of clumsy or bump into things or all the other things. That's your proprioceptive system. And so, like, for me, I don't understand how my toes still function because like in the house, they hit everything.

A lot of times, you know, if your system is off, we're using other different sensory systems to cope. So, a lot of times vision, like if you've ever been drinking coffee and you look away and then all of a sudden it spills. That's the other thing, you know, it's just like how many, I just don't even try to buy white shirts anymore.

And then the last one is your interoception sensory system. And so, that is really giving you your body's cues, right? So, your internal cues of like when you have to go to the bathroom, what are you feeling? Are you hungry? And so like a lot of ADHD ers who have an under-responsive system really struggle.

Like they're like, "No, I'm fine." And all of a sudden it's like when it's like 12 out of ten, they're like, "Oh I'm hungry. Oh I have to go to the bathroom." Or that's part of that intensity and emotions because they're not getting the little signals until it's like red alert. And then on the flip side, if you have that over-responsive system, everything is there.

Cate: I know when I first learned about interoception and how it relates to ADHD, I was so shocked. I was so shocked because for years I had wondered like, why do I never know when I'm hungry? Why do I never know when I'm thirsty? Why do I always forget to pee? And then just, you know, one day I'm just doing my little ADHD research And I was like, my God, everything makes so much sense.

And so, for me, it became so much easier to support my needs and like, look out for things because I was like, OK, if I know I'm not going to feel hungry until I am that 12 out of ten, then I need to make sure that when I'm like maybe a seven or an eight, that's the point where I need to eat because otherwise I'm going to have a meltdown. I'm going to get really stressed out. I'm going to get really emotionally dysregulated and I will cry in my car in traffic at the slightest inconvenience. And then I'll go, "Why am I doing this?" And I was like, because I'm hungry and that I would feel foolish.

(11:05) How does interoception impact ADHD?

Anita, what I want to do next is I want to sort of break down each one of these systems and have a conversation about how it impacts ADHD and what we might want to be aware of. So, interoception, interoception, our inner senses, how does it impact ADHD?

Anita: So, because you're either, most of us have an overactive or underactive, so you're not getting your signals, right? So, this is also like when we're talking about executive function challenges and these other things, part of it is your sensory system, right? So, if you're not getting the information, how are you going to know when you are hungry? How do you know when you're going to have to pee?

And that also kind of creates this sense of urgency of like the other person or partner may be kind of saying, "OK, we have to go at this time. Have you gone to the bathroom? Do you need to go to the bathroom here?" And they're like, "No." And then you get in the car and they're like, "Oh my goodness, I have to pee." And they're like "Ah!" And it creates a sense of helplessness because nobody's understanding why this is happening. And it can be frustrating. And this is really big with the emotions, right?

Like one, you know, most adults today, we did not get any like emotional intelligence, social -emotional learning, like "Inside Out" is probably the best thing that we've gotten. But like, how do you know how you feel if you're not actually getting the signals? And this curriculum that I talk about, like kind of turns on all your body's signals and teaches you how to recognize them, and then it's like a game where you're like, and this, this and this, this equals this.

So, I would say, though, it's really like the emotions is I think the biggest one when you're talking about communication and then that other thing where it's like either everything's like too much, so you have to go pee all the time. It's like you don't really have to pee, but it's like you think you do or you're worried about it. So, it's like if you have those friends that are just like, wait, like every 30 minutes they're kind of hard to travel with sometimes, you know, just because you, just add like two hours and stops, bathroom break stops.

Cate: I am that person. It's fine. I'm sorry, I'm sorry to all of my friends who travel with me, I'm that person.

Anita: That's the thing though, if you can like get this intervention, you might actually realize you don't have to pee all the time.

Cate: OK. All right. Well, and something that I think is really interesting is, as I'm hearing you talk, Anita, about interoception, I'm also recognizing a lot of the ways that alexithymia shows up in my own life. For our dear listeners who don't know, alexithymia is a word that's used to describe problems with feeling emotions. "I don't know what I'm feeling. Am I sad? Am I angry? Am I depressed?" And that's something that I've struggled with for a really long time.

And so, it's really interesting to me to see how closely paralleled interoception and alexithymia can be, because if you're hungry and you're emotionally dysregulated, but you also don't exactly know how you're feeling about it, that could result in a lot of impact to relationships.

Anita: Yeah, and I think it's a good segway to also recognize that like a lot of people who have ADHD, for example, it doesn't mean that they don't have anything else going on and that sensory processing is a baseline on so many different things. Like right now it's currently in the medical diagnosis just under autism. So, it's been really well studied under autism.

And that way there's a whole bunch of other things that do probably have some sensory underlying, but they're all connected or all of our fields are all separate and we don't integrate. So, I think it's really cool to kind of be curious about and also recognize that there can be multiple things going on, not just ADHD.

Cate: Yeah, whenever I talk about ADHD and co-morbidities, I always feel like that meme of Charlie from "It's Always Sunny" where it's just like "It's all connected." It's just the more that I do this, the more that I learn, the more I feel like it really is. It's all connected.

Anita: It is. And there's so much more to ADHD than just the sensory system too.

(14:47) The vestibular system and ADHD

Cate: So, next sensory system, you pick.

Anita: I'll do vestibular.

Cate: So, I was I was trying to avoid having to say proprioception.

Anita: I think I've struggled with this too.

Cate: Anyway, we're focusing. We're moving on. Let's talk about the vestibular system, which is going to be like our inner ear motion sickness, do we get carsick? That kind of thing.

Anita: So, the really interesting thing of the research that I found I'll just preface this is all done on kids currently, but I do think we can like really pull from this is that when you have an under-responsive system and you're getting more vestibular input, the hyperactivity goes down and intention increases. And I've seen this across the board with adults.

I think like a lot of people will relate to, they were athletes in primary school, in college, you know, maybe they were competitive. It provided a lot of structure, provided a lot of input. A lot of times their ADHD didn't seem that bad or seemed very manageable. And then when they stopped doing it, all of a sudden they're dealing with a lot of these things. And I think that's because of the correlation of that under-responsive vestibular system, so you need more of it or you need some interventions so that way you can get the signal.

Like the occupational therapist uses is like WIFI, like you know, she's like basically like "When you have an under-responsive system, you need like, a booster and I hope you get the booster. And I turn on your booster and make your systems like receive the information you're getting versus that being like blocked." That is, I think, key because a lot of the times, you know, with communication, it's like you're not even paying attention, you're moving around or you can't focus or sometimes it's just like "Ugh."

When people come in from other couples get therapies and they're just like, you just have to sit still and like really show the person. Like, just focus. Just focus on what the person saying. And it's this very still manner and it's this very thing. And I'm like, "You do not do that! Like you're setting the person up to fail, both of them. You're setting them up to be frustrated."

Cate: It's really fascinating how directly you can draw a line between, "I need to move, I need to move my body to regulate. I need to move about," right? And then that how that can absolutely affect communication, how it can absolutely impact relationships. If you're sitting in couples therapy and you're fidgeting all the way through it because you're, you know, quote-unquote, you know, not interested or you're not paying attention, it's like, no, I can either pay attention or look like I'm paying attention, but I really can't do both.

Anita: Yeah, then you can't listen.

Cate: Yeah. And that's one that I run into so often is just differences in communication styles and how it impacts these preconceived notions that we have of "Well, I feel like my partner isn't listening to me. I feel like my partner isn't doing a good enough job, you know, giving me attention when I come home from work" and it's like, no, their attention is movable. It deals with that, like vestibular like need to move and and process physically.

But knowing that and having the tools to sort of talk that through and explain it, of course is going to make communication easier because now you're not going into it with a judgment of "Well, this person is paying attention to me" or "They're bored" or "They're, you know, secretly watching the TV over my shoulder" or whatever it may be, you know?

Anita: Yeah. And then you use the different tools like, you know, like I have a balance board in my office. So, like, even just standing on a balance board is awesome or even putting it under your feet. A yoga ball, you know, you want to find something that isn't dysregulating to the other partner, but there's tons. And so, it's like, I mean, they're technically tools, but for an ADHD brain, it feels like toys. There's a whole bunch of fun toys in my office that, like, it's a game changer.

Or sometimes I only see people outdoors because the conversations we have outdoors is phenomenal because outside is a great place to get a lot of your sensory needs and we can throw a ball back and forth. It helps focus and hear and repeat. We can do a whole bunch of different like sensory interventions that like feel fun and connecting and it's like night and day. Like there are people I'm like, "I'm sorry, we can't meet inside" even with like my tools, you know, Like, it's just...

Cate: That's incredible. That's so cool.

Anita: But even just like doing a little dance because that is great to like, before you set. One of my other awesome, like ADHD co-workers, she told me about the 32nd dance party, which is, is like a button and it's like just kind of like 30 seconds of rave music. But like, I'll have couples that, well, one either put it on there like if they like throw their clothes in the laundry hamper, they get like the 32nd this, or if they're kind of getting dysregulated or they're kind of like all of a sudden in different teams versus the same team, like they compress it and then they just kind of dance and it's a really nice reset.

So, you're getting also these different things that can help you. And I've had other too, like ADHD couples are like, go, go, go. They just can't stop. And so they'll do a yoga class and then they'll do like the ADHD communication check-in that I teach my clients and then they'll do the other stuff and that sets them up for success. And so, it's like, you know the tools that you need in order to be successful. And then you also know how to almost like feed your body.

Because you want to have hard conversations when you have the bandwidth, when you are resourced. You don't have the conversations when you're hungry, when you're tired, when your sensory needs aren't met. Most people have heard the acronym HALTS, like, are you hungry? Are you angry? Are you lonely, Are you tired? to see, kind of a check in with your big feelings.

And I add the "S" because it's like, have you gotten your sensory needs met? Because without that, of course, we have like really big feelings or of course, it's really hard to like, focus or understand or connect because our body's needing something that's a higher priority and it's just one of those foundations.

(20:28) Proprioception and ADHD

Cate: Last one. You know it's coming. I'm not going to say it.

Anita: Proprioception. Yes. My favorite, my favorite one. So, like I mentioned before, proprioception helps almost everybody regulate. And we did this training for therapists of kind of how to combine all of these things and even the non-ADHD therapists like after having a full sensory experience day, they like walked out feeling amazing. And so, proprioception like even those Need Dohs, like the little squeeze stress balls like the harder it is to squeeze, the more proprioception you're getting.

It gives you something to do. It gives you that feedback. It helps you feel your body in space. And I think with combining it with the interoception, that's also a part of time blindness. Like when you're having like time perception differences, you know, it's also partly because you're not feeling your body like the two systems in space having time passed, those types of things.

So, understanding I think the sensory causes helps you actually meet those needs, so you don't need as many systems and workarounds because you're actually kind of setting your body up for success.

Cate: It's also really interesting to me, like in the work that I do specifically with ADHD and sex, that shows up a lot, that need for sensory involvement, that need for that proprioception. Every time.

Anita: Proprioception.

Cate: Proprioception, proprioception, proprioception. We got it.

Anita: Oh yeah. Well, I did a whole thing on sensory and ADHD and sex and how you combine it and why some of these things are really important, right?

Cate: Yeah.

Anita: Like it can be hard to, like even receive the information or why, you know. Yes, I could talk about that all day.

Cate: All day. All day long.

Anita: But like this is also one of those things where it's like maybe you, like, sit across the couch when you talk and you give each other foot rubs. You're receiving and getting a lot of that proprioception or like for the vestibular, like you're in a hammock, right? Or a swing or a rocking chair.

Cate: This is a true story, anita Getting a hammock saved my relationship. Like I don't, I became such a better person once I owned a hammock and I would go outside and I would just be in the sun with my dog for 15 minutes and I would like rock on my hammock and I would just go inside and I would feel like a completely different person. And for so long, I thought I was just being like goofy. I was like, you have just described this importance to this thing that is not there. And then once I started learning about this, I was like, "Oh, I see. I was regulating it. I didn't even know that I was."

Anita: Yeah, exactly. And so, that's what it would be like, for the other person, I'm like, "OK, well, did it work? Is there a difference?" All right, so this is what you do. This is how you talk to each other, you know?

(23:05) Sensory systems and communication with ADHD

Cate: Yeah. And again, the direct line between how does it impact our ADHD experience and then how does it impact communication and relationships? It's just right there. It's that if you don't have the regulation that you need in this space, of course your conversations are going to be less effective than they could. Of course the fights are going to feel more miserable. Like of course, of course, of course. It's so interesting to me.

Anita: Your sensory systems hijack your brain, you know. And so, like and they're driving the car and it doesn't go in the direction of whatever you wanted to communicate or how you wanted to show up for your partner. Which is why I think it's so important to utilize, like, one, have a basic understanding of your sensory needs, like and then you're using the tools, like hugging, connecting with your partner.

So many times that internal motor, which is coming probably from that lack of vestibular input, that's like, "OK, we're coming in and we used to go over here, we have to do all these things." And we used to do all these things. That's how I used to be with my partner, which would be very dysregulating. And he's like, "No, like, come here, give me a big hug" and all this other stuff. The big hugs are such good resets because you're getting that proprioceptive input, you're getting sometimes that breadth, you know, of just like "Ah."

And then you're saying hello, which is like one of the biggest things in the Gottman research of like saying hello and goodbye, resets your nervous system so you're connected to the person. And being at least in the US, is like, it's really easy just to be go, go, go because we're not a relationship-focused culture where my spouse is from Mexico and I've lived in Latin America for several years of my adult life and like you learn as a child, — I see this with my kid, he is getting reinforced — you say hello.

And if you have a kid and you don't say hello, you ignore your kid, you see them melt down. You're like, "What's wrong?" And we all have that internal like meltdown. So, I think like also these tools and systems of like making sure when you come home or even if you're working from home and you're both there, you like give each other a hug, you give each other some physical contact.

It connects you to and it also like gives you that system that helps, like kind of reset and being like, "Oh, I have a body," you know, like, "Here's my body. OK, this feels good." And a lot of times we need like a three or four or five, six-second hug in order to kind of like slow down and be like "Oh," you know. And so, I just wanted to, like, mention that, you know, proprioceptive.

The big hugs are like, you know, there's a reason for it. Like, there's reason for those, like, awesome hugs that can be so resetting.

Cate: I, listen, this is my podcast. I will fully admit to the general public as a whole that one of the things that works the best for me is I will just look at my partner and go, "Can you squish me?" And I'll just lay on the floor. And then he lays like on me and it's not, you know, and I will just like watch TV and I'm like, "I'm squished enough." And then he gets off and I'm like, "I feel so much better now." I love a good squish. I don't know what it is.

Anita: Well, it's your proprioception.

Cate: Yeah. There you go.

Anita: You just, you need it to feel your body, right?

Cate: Yeah.

Anita: And the proprio... that, like the heavy lifting, that turns on your interoception too. So, like, they're all interconnected. But yeah, a lot of these great tools that people do these write-offs, right? Of like, "Well, it's not that big of a deal. Like, I don't need it, so why would you need it? Like, you know, like, you know, you can just eat a granola bar and it's fine." No, it's not fine for everybody or your system isn't working. And so, it's easy to dismiss. But when you make these small changes, it has such a huge impact.

And I think with ADHD, you need that breakdown in guidance and support. And then also for the person who doesn't have ADHD, they kind of need it to be broken down in order for them to get on board. And then it still doesn't necessarily make sense to their brain. But I'm like, "But you like the result? OK."

(26:56) How do we start identifying our sensory needs?

Cate: So, I guess then the last question, Anita, is then how do we figure out what those needs are? How do we identify them? What are the skills that we can use? How do we start this process of identifying, learning, growing?

Anita: Well, there are like little sensory quizzes online and then it, you know, like you at least get an idea of kind of like maybe it was over-responsive or under-responsive, but it's all just like trial and error. So, something simple like if we're talking about communication, try to walk and talk, go outside and see, is there a difference? Are you not like going to your phone for stimulation all the time, like you feel more connected. So, like have like a clear check-in or goal and just do an experiment, make it fun.

Sit on a yoga ball. Like if you're coming to the CHADD ADHD conference, come to ours because we're going to bring as many toys, a.k.a tools to give people this idea of what it is. I also have adults and couples go into some of my favorite toy stores that have like good sensory systems. Even just going around and playing like what feels good to your body, what doesn't feel good, and that's going to give you some information, right?

So, if like being in a hammock, like you said, is so regulatory to you, great. You have an under-responsive vestibular system. And so, doing things that increase that is probably going to be helpful for you just to start off for the day.

So, like if you want to talk to somebody and it's really important, get in your swing, get in a hammock, get in a two-person hammock, and see what happens, see how it goes. And that's the information that you need to be able to do that. And I also have like on my blog, you know, a very basic one, too, that's geared more towards kids, but it is also for adults with like some links on Amazon that you can just try some of these tools.

But I think, you know, going and exploring and being curious about your needs and if you don't know how to figure it out, then that's a sign to like go see somebody who specializes in that. Just try them out and see what it is. And you don't need to know really like, "Oh is this my proprioception or not? Like just "Oh this feels good. I do better when this happens. I don't do better when this happens."

If you have a partner, they'll give you some feedback too. If you can't even tell, they'll be like, "Oh no, that's one way better. Like, I felt like you heard me. I felt this." And they're like, "Really?" And then just doing that more on a consistent basis will help.

Because, like, you know, the whole reason I got into this whole world is because while I was teaching my kid for some other things and they were helping with the sensory system, some of the other like meltdowns, all this other stuff, he was not sleeping through the night and he was almost three years old. And because these things are correlated, which I didn't know, I just mentioned to like the occupational therapist, I was like, "Oh yeah, we're really tired. Like he's really trying to go to sleep, but it takes them a couple of hours. He's just like kicking the wall" and she's like, "Oh, well, he just needed some proprioception input.

Cate: And I was like, "Huh?" And so, she's like, "OK, let's just try this routine." So, we did a ten-minute routine. Immediately it went from an hour to two hours of putting him to bed to under 30 minutes for him to fall asleep. Three weeks into that, he started sleeping through the night and I was just like, you know, after three years of sleep deprivation, I was like, why? Why have I been suffering?

You don't need to feel like you need to be an expert. But understanding and just trying some of these sensory strategies that gives you information. And if you get these little needs met over time, it makes just like a huge, huge difference.

(30:21) Where you can find Anita

Cate: Anita, this has been such an incredible conversation and I'm so grateful for your time. Please tell the people where they can find you.

Anita: So, my website is just my name, Anitarobertson.com. And so, any of my offerings, I have a whole ADHD resource page that has blogs, other resources, my favorite type of thing where you can find some of my online courses or like my ADHD relationship courses that are based off of my book, "ADHD & US," but use really fun technology and group support. And then on social media, which I don't post that much, but it's I think it's Anita Robertson LCSW on like Facebook, Instagram. I'm on TikTok every once in a while, so.

Cate: I've heard good things.

Thank you for listening. Anything mentioned in the episode will be linked in the show notes with more resources. Have a question, comment, burning story you'd like to share? Email me at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. This show is brought to you by Understood.org. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences like ADHD and dyslexia. Learn more at Understood.org.

"Sorry, I Missed This" is produced and edited by Jessamine Molli and Margie DeSantis. Our theme music was written by Justin D. Wright, who also mixes the show. Ilana Millner is our supervising producer. Briana Berry is our production director. Neil Drumming is our editorial director.

For Understood.org, our executive directors are Laura Key, Scott Cocchiere, and Seth Melnick. I'm your host, Cate Osborn. Thank you so much for listening. Remember to be kind to yourself, remember to be kind to others, and I'll see you again soon.