Helping kids navigate the holiday season

The holiday season is filled with joy and spending time with loved ones. But the festivities with their big gatherings, bright lights, and loud noises can be a lot for kids with learning and thinking differences to handle.

So, how can parents help kids prepare for the busy holiday season? Listen as Julian shares:

• Tips to help kids prepare for social interactions

• Ways to create calm spaces for when kids begin to feel overwhelmed

• Reasons why setting clear expectations can help kids feel more secure and prepared 

We love to hear from our listeners. Email us at opportunitygap@understood.org.

Related resources

• 5 tips to get ready for the holidays

• 8 tips for helping kids with social skills challenges cope with the holiday season

• 8 difficult holiday situations that make some kids anxious

Timestamps

(00:38) Understanding holiday overwhelm for kids

(01:44) Ways to practice social scenarios

(03:28) Tips on how to teach kids to share

(05:17) How to create a calm space for kids

(07:16) Why it’s important to set clear expectations

Episode transcript

Julian: From the bright lights and bustling crowds to the pressures to socialize with family and friends, the holiday season can present unique challenges for kids with learning and thinking differences, making it difficult for them to enjoy the festivities.

What's going on, OG family. Welcome to a new episode of the "Opportunity Gap." I'm your host, Julian. Today we're talking about how to thrive through the holidays. I'll share some tips on how to help your child and you prepare for what I hope will be an exciting time.

(00:38) Understanding holiday overwhelm for kids

So, first, let's understand the holiday overwhelm. The holiday season can be filled with changes in routine, heightened expectations, and sensory overload. If you celebrate, there could be lights and presents and stress that comes with that. Big gatherings, new experiences. It's a lot for you and it's a lot for your kids.

And a lot of times there's big changes in schedule. This can be super challenging for kids with learning and thinking differences, especially because many of these kids thrive on predictability and sudden changes can lead to anxiety, right? Maybe a bedtime gets extended. Maybe you're not waking up normally. Maybe there are some things that are changing and kids can get really anxious.

So, the question is, how can you help your child prepare for the busy holiday season? Well, I am glad you asked. So, here we are. Four Julian gems. I love that phrase.

(01:44) Ways to practice social scenarios

First gem: Practice these social scenarios ahead of time. Practice, Practice. Practice. Let's start by preparing our kids for social interactions. The holiday season is filled with those, and while social skills are vital for emotional development, they take practice to perfect.

I know in my household we host Thanksgiving and we have 20 people at my table. Normally, we're a family of four and so that changes things. We're on a different schedule. We're on other people's schedules. It gets a lot louder in the house. And so, we have to practice what it's like to go through all of those different social scenarios that are going to happen.

One way you can do that is by practicing greetings with family and friends. Encourage your child to express their preferences. Would they rather wave hello instead of hugging, or would they rather shake hands? And tell them, "Guess what, it's OK. Maybe you don't want to get a big hug from grandma. That's OK." You can even role play different scenarios together.

I know my mom comes in for the big old hug and the big kiss and "Hey, babies." Maybe we practice what that's like first before she comes in. For example, you might say "When grandma arrives, you can wave and say, 'Hi, Grandma.' Let's practice that together." This way they can feel confident in their approach. So, Julian gem number one: Practice social scenarios before they happen.

(03:28) Tips on how to teach kids to share

Second Julian Gem: Let's practice sharing toys with other kids. That is a big one. We know, sharing is caring, but sharing is really tough. Make sure you talk to your child about how sharing can be a way to make holiday gatherings really fun. For instance, you could say "When your cousin comes over, you can show them your favorite toy and ask them, 'Would you like to play with this together?' Let's practice how to invite them to join in."

This way your child can feel more confident about interacting with others. Again, going back to the Saavedra household, my son absolutely loves LEGOs and he has about a thousand of them all around the house. He's very particular with who touches his LEGOs and how they're played with. So, when his cousins come over, we don't want to just let them run wild and go through his LEGOs because that could cause some really tough feelings.

Instead, we can say, "Hey, let's practice. How are you going to get your cousin to play with these together? Or how are you going to ask him to play when you're touching the LEGOs? Maybe you can set aside some specific LEGOs that you guys can play together with, instead of having him play with all of them." So Julian gem number two: Help your child practice sharing their materials and especially their most valued possessions with other kids before it happens.

All right, ready? This one is another big one. The holiday season is filled with bright lights, loud noises, bustling crowds, and it can be really overwhelming for kids.

(05:17) How to create a calm space for kids

So, my third Julian gem is this: Try to create a calm space for your child. Designate a quiet area in your home or wherever you are, and even if you're at a different home or a different place, find a place where you're gathering so that your child can retreat to if they start feeling overwhelmed, right?

And this is not just, "Oh my baby is introverted. They don't want to be around a lot of people." No, this can be a lot for kids, especially those that have sensory processing issues. And so, you want to make sure that you're giving a place where they can feel like they can get away from a bit. And even if it's a couple of minutes just to recharge, it's really important.

So, here's what you can say to your child. "If things get too loud, you can take a break here with some books or some soft toys." You can also offer to meet your child there to help calm down together. I know that some of my friends are not as extroverted as I am, and sometimes they have to retreat. They call it the ninja move where one second you see them, another second they're gone. So, I would recommend practice doing the ninja move with your children. Have them disappear for a little bit so that they can recharge and get themselves together.

If your child is sensitive to sound, encourage wearing headphones. Headphones can help kids enjoy the fun without feeling overwhelmed by the noise. So, Julian gem number three: Create a calm space for your child. Clear expectations can help kids feel way more secure and prepared for holiday activities, and they can really reduce anxiety about the unknown.

(07:16) Why it's important to set clear expectations

So, before the holiday gathering, I would highly recommend outlining the event's activities. And so, Julian gem number four: Set clear expectations. You could say, here's our schedule. First, we're going to have lunch. Then we're going to open presents. Then we're going to play some games as a family. Then we're going to clean up. Then we're going to go home.

So, making it really clear and even as going as far as having a written-out schedule with times and anticipated times of when things are going to happen, it really helps your children know what to expect before it happens. Knowing what the day entails will help your child be really clear about what they're expected to do, too. And obviously, when you're setting clear expectations about the schedule, you also want to make sure you discuss behavior.

I know that if you're like me, you probably got that talk from your parents. "You better not embarrass me when I'm in public" or "I know we around family. Be on your best behavior." This is not the time to do that. This is more talk about how behavior can be positive. And so, you could say instead of "You better be on your best behavior," you could say, "Hey, during dinner, we'll practice using our indoor voices and waiting our turn to speak. Let's role-play what that might look like."

I know it sounds like a little school-like, a little different than what you might be used to saying to your kids. But that's the way they're used to doing it in school. And it's a great way to practice expectations with your children. And it's really framing it in a positive way. You're going to get a much better result.

A day or two before the gathering, set aside some time to go over these expectations again. You can say, "Let's talk about what we'll do at Aunt Laura's house so you feel ready and excited." So, before we wrap, let's run those Julian gems back one more time.

Number one, practice these social scenarios ahead of time. Number two, practice sharing toys with other kids. Number three, create a calm space for your child. Number four, set clear expectations. I hope you find these tips helpful. And as always, family, be sure to check out some additional resources in the show notes. Until the next time, take care OG family.

Thanks so much for listening today. We love hearing from our listeners. So, if you have any thoughts about today's episode, you can email us at opportunitygap@understood.org. And be sure to check out the show notes for links and resources to anything we mentioned in the episode.

This show is brought to you by Understood.org. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences like ADHD and dyslexia. Learn more at understood.org.

The "Opportunity Gap" is produced by Tara Drinks and edited by Daniela Tello-Garzon. Our theme music was written by Justin D. Wright, who also mixes the show. Ilana Millner is our supervising producer. Briana Berry is our production director. Neil Drumming is our editorial director. Our executive directors are Laura Key, Scott Cocchiere, and Seth Melnick. Thanks again for listening.