How to build a supportive village for kids

Creating a “village,” or a group of supportive people, can really boost kids’ confidence and help them thrive. This village doesn’t have to consist of only parents and family. But it can also include teachers, therapists, and doctors who care about your child.

Listen as host Julian Saavedra highlights the kinds of people who can make a big difference in your child’s life. And get practical tips on how to build these important connections.

We love to hear from our listeners. Email us at opportunitygap@understood.org.

Related resources

• 4 ways to help your child build a support network

• How to find more support when you have kids who learn and think differently

Timestamps

(01:46) What are the benefits of having a supportive village?

(03:46) Should a child’s village only include family members?

(07:35) People to consider when building your child’s village

(10:05) Tips on how to build your child’s village

Episode transcript

Julian: Everyone has heard the old African proverb "It takes a village to raise a child." But what does that mean? What is a village? What's going on OG Family? Welcome back to a new episode of the "Opportunity Gap." I'm your host, Julian. Today we're talking about the importance of building a supportive village.

So, I started off by asking you a question about the quote "It takes a village to raise a child." That's something that I'm sure all of us listeners have heard before. And in this modern society, it's something that a lot of us are struggling to figure out, what does it mean? The idea of family is a very unique idea, right? It's changed.

And for so many of us, there's traditional family units, there's nontraditional family units, there's some of us raising kids by ourselves, or some of us who have tons of family members around. There's some of us who have families that are not by blood but by friendship.

And so, the idea of a village can mean different things to different people. The most important part to realize is that one, raising kids is hard. Raising kids in 2024 is really hard. Raising kids in 2024 with learning and thinking differences is even harder. And sometimes it can be isolating. Sometimes you can feel on your own.

(01:46) What are the benefits of having a supportive village?

Having a supportive network or a village of people, it's really going to help families and parenting adults feel less alone. It can provide emotional support not only for the child but for you.

Let's be real. It gets hard, and sometimes you need somebody to talk to or to connect with, or just to sit out back and talk some stuff about how hard the day is. It also helps have diverse perspectives and different resources, right? When you have a village of people and you're not doing it on your own. It helps you have different ideas and it helps you support different ways of doing things. It can also help you find resources when you need it the most.

And let's be honest, as human beings, we're communal creatures. We love to be around people. Now, some of you that are out there might say, "Well, I like to be on my own. I can do this on my own." Yes, you very well may do so. But, our stance is that a village is something that can really support not only the development of your child, but the development of your entire family. And so, let's talk about when we say the idea of village, who can be part of this village?

So, for me, I'm very fortunate. Like, let's start by the fact that having a village is coming from a place of privilege. I am privileged to have the support system that I have. Some of it is embedded by blood, and a lot of it comes from the connections that I've built over the years. But I am privileged to have that. And if you're out there listening and you have a supportive village around you, you're privileged to have that too. That is a blessing and it is fantastic.

But for those of us that had to develop that over time, let's talk about who do we consider part of our village.

(03:46) Should a child's village only include family members?

For me, I have my immediate family. My wife is the matriarch of our village. She is the rock of our family. She is the one that really sets the tone for all of us. And she's been fantastic about building our village. We have a supportive system of our family members, my in-laws, and my sister-in-law, my own mother, my sisters, my brothers, my own family.

Some of them live close. A lot of them live far away. But we communicate through text messaging and phone calls and all different ways. And so, it's supportive to have people that I can just bounce ideas off of, that I know we're never going to give up with us. So, my own blood family has been fantastic. But outside of that, we've built a village of people around us that support our kids. And a lot of that comes from their school experience.

We have a group of friends that have really become family. After the pandemic, we started something called Fun Afternoon Friday. And basically what happened is that so many of our kids were struggling to be together. My son at the time was in kindergarten, and he was on a computer screen for his kindergarten year. And all the research says that kindergarten is instrumental when it comes to socialization and developing social skills. And so, my wife, the brilliant educator that she is, she proposed the idea of having a bunch of friends from his kindergarten class come over to our house.

And, you know, we wore masks, but we said that let's have 5 or 6 families bring their kids over to the house on Fridays and you can wear your mask, but you have to be outside and you can run around and play with each other just as a way for you to develop some friendships, even though, you know we're masked up and we're in knee deep in Covid world, but it provided socialization and it provided support for us as parents, right?

We're by ourselves in basements with our children, we need to socialize, too. And so, it helped the adults. It helped the kids. It just became this dynamic group of people. And here we are five years later, four years later, and Fun Afternoon Friday is still going. It's grown into 20 or 25 families that come over the house every Friday or every other Friday. And the families have now become a true family for us.

We've gone traveling together. We've built this entire community of people. We have a chat on WhatsApp where we constantly communicate with each other. We've become friends, you know, for so many different reasons. And it all started because we saw a need for socialization. That has become our village.

And many people in the group, they have children with IEPs and they have children with learning and thinking differences. And it's a great way for them to talk to each other about how to connect and how to find ways to support their kids. And so, this village that started out in Covid has been built into a group of people that live in the same community that send their kids to the same schools, and it's informal and it's a way for us to connect, and it's the people that we trust.

So, I give that example because none of them are our blood family members, but we built this village based on a need and it's grown into a supportive group. So, shout out to Fun Afternoon Friday.

(07:35) People to consider when building your child's village

When you're building your village, start with your family. Start with your family. Now, I might I don't know what your family situation is, but as parents, we have to open up our family and open up ourselves to opportunities for our family to support us.

And so, if we're humble enough to ask for help and to ask for support, then it's a great way for our family to come in and add the support that they need. If you're close with your parents, guess what? They raised you. They know what they're doing like they, and they're a great start to be supportive of your kids. And I know some of us have grandparents that can be a little overprotective or parent a little bit differently than we do, but find a way to include them. Having connections with your family is one of the best things that you can do for your children.

Also, utilize schools. Utilize educators. Utilize teachers that you can trust. They can become part of your village. Build those connections with your teachers. You know, don't be above bribery. As a former teacher. I love when parents reach out. I love when they brought food. I love when they remember my favorite snacks. I love when they just came to visit and I love when they continue connections. It's a great way to build a village by somebody that knows what they're doing when it comes to supporting your children educationally.

So, find a way to build relationships with your teachers or with educators that can last longer than the year that they're in the classroom with your children. Build a relationship with your pediatricians or your therapists or other health care professionals. They can be a great resource, but they can also become part of that village of support. Having somebody that intimately knows your child is a great way for you to build a village of support.

And lastly, seek out other families with children who have learning and thinking differences. I know it's difficult. But having people that are going through it together, it's a great way for you to have support for yourself, but also for your children to see that you're advocating to get help. It's a great model for them to see you during, you're doing it too.

(10:05) Tips on how to build your child's village

And so, the question is really, well, how do you build villages? How do you do this, Julian? Like, "Well, we don't all have a yard to have Fun Afternoon Friday" or "I'm not too tight with my family" or "I'm struggling and I work two jobs. I can't really take time to go to these different groups and build things like that. What do I do?"

Number one: find a way to figure out what's important to you? What are your values? What do you really want for your family? What kind of people do you want around your kids? Once you know that, then that's a great starting point. Look around and see what do you currently have? Who are the people in your life that are supportive already? Build from there. Find a way to be vulnerable. Ask for help. If you're struggling, talk to the people that are already in your life and be vulnerable with it.

And I know it's hard to do that, but it's a great, as I said, it's a great model for your children. If you know that you want some more support, then find a way to talk to the folks that are already in your life. But if you're looking to realize that maybe some of the people don't have the resources or information that you need, that's where you can start seeking out more support from outside. And so, that's when I would highly recommend looking for support groups.

We live in an age of social media. We live in an age of the Internet and having resources upon resources upon resources. And so, your first step is to use your social media connections or use your Google searches to just start looking for support groups that might be in tune with some of the things that you're looking for. I guarantee that there will be groups of parents who have students with ADHD wherever you live. You can tap into some of those groups.

Ask your parents at school or ask some of the families that your children go to school with. Ask your teachers, "Hey, you might know. Are there any other families or any other groups that I can look into? I'm really struggling and I'd love my children to connect with some other kids. Can you help direct me in the right direction?" And nine times out of ten, you're going to get an answer that's going to point you in the right direction.

Get your children involved. Extracurricular activities are super important. So, if you can if you can find the time where you can find the wherewithal to do so, find some activities that match your child's interest. As something that we do in our household as we tap into our local library. It's free. All of the programming is free. And we found so many great connections by just going to some of the programs at the library. We did a LEGO building contest a couple of weeks ago and my son made a bunch of friends with other kids that love LEGOs like he does.

Then there was a book club based on some books that my daughter was really into, and now she has her own book club that's happening at our house. And it all started just by being at the library. And so, if there's ways that you can find activities that — obviously activities that are low-cost or free it's even better — but if you can find activities that match your child's interests, it's a great way to start building connections.

I know that when my daughter was playing soccer or softball, those hours upon hours that we're sitting on the bench watching the games, it's a great time to check in with some of the families there, too. And the more that you talk to each other, the more you realize, hey, we have a lot in common. Let's support each other.

So, all I'm going to say is that a village is what you make. But a village is important in raising your child. You cannot do this by yourself. And I know that so many of you are working super hard to make it happen. But we know it's really hard to raise kids in 2024, and we know it's really hard to raise kids with learning and thinking differences. But if you can seek out and build a village of support, it'll make things so much better for you and for your child.

I want you to check out all the resources that we have on the episode page on Understood.org. And please, share your experiences. Share your tips. If you have great ideas for finding more people to join your village or you have great places for you to look, send us an email. Opportunitygap@understood.org. Or leave a comment on our YouTube channel. We'd love to hear from you. Until next time, see you later "Opportunity Gap" family.

Thanks so much for listening today. We love hearing from our listeners. So, if you have any thoughts about today's episode, you can email us at opportunitygap@understood.org. And be sure to check out the show notes for links and resources to anything we mentioned in the episode. This show is brought to you by Understood.org. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences like ADHD and dyslexia. Learn more at understood.org.

The "Opportunity Gap" is produced by Tara Drinks and edited by Daniela Tello-Garzon. Our theme music was written by Justin D. Wright, who also mixes the show. Ilana Millner is our supervising producer. Briana Berry is our production director. Neil Drumming is our editorial director. Our executive directors are Laura Key, Scott Cocchiere, and Seth Melnick. Thanks again for listening.