Game on! Teaching kids sportsmanship

Sportsmanship is not just about winning or losing. It’s also about character, respect, and treating others well. It’s an important skill to develop. But mastering it can be challenging for some kids with learning and thinking differences.

In this episode of Opportunity Gap, we dive into the heart of sportsmanship. Listen as our guest, Dr. Andy Kahn explains the importance of sportsmanship in youth sports. Learn ways to teach kids these essential values. And find out how instilling a strong sense of sportsmanship can transform not just the game, but kids’ lives both on and off the field. 

We love to hear from our listeners. Email us at opportunitygap@understood.org.

Related resources

• How to get your child involved in sports

• 5 ways to work with your child’s coach

• 5 fun sports for kids who struggle with motor skills

Timestamps

(1:02) What is sportsmanship?

(7:51) Challenges kids with learning and thinking differences face when practicing sportsmanship

(12:20) Ways to teach kids sportsmanship

Episode transcript

Julian: Sportsmanship. It's not just about winning or losing. It's about character, respect, and how we treat others. What's going on, OG family? Welcome to a new episode of the "Opportunity Gap." I'm your host, Julian. On today's show, we're talking about the importance of teaching kids with learning and thinking differences about sportsmanship. And who better to have on the show than our friend of the Understood family and the host of Understood's "Parenting Behavior" podcast, my good friend, Dr. Andy Kahn. Hey, Andy, how are you? Welcome.

Andy: Hey, how are you? So glad to be here.

Julian: Before we got started, we were talking about our coaching experiences. Andy coached before and I've coached as well, so I'm just excited that we get to talk about something that we don't touch on a lot, but it makes a big difference with our children.

(1:02) What is sportsmanship?

So, a great place to start today is understanding exactly what is sportsmanship. So, in your opinion, Dr. Andy, what do you consider sportsmanship and why is it such an important skill for kids to practice?

Andy: You know, when you think about playing sports in general, sportsmanship at its core is a life skill. You know, everyone who wants to play sports wants to win. They want to be successful every time they play. But sportsmanship really refers to those skills that have to do with respect for the game, respect for your opponents, respect for yourself and your coaches and the referees. It's about coming to the game experience with the willingness to engage in fair play and to think about the experience in a way that can make it enjoyable for all of the parties that are engaged.

And I think sportsmanship currently is something we don't really emphasize. You watch a lot of pro sports, you know, you see gamesmanship, right? Trying to show up or look better or celebrate your achievements in the moment more than the other team. But the idea of sportsmanship really is about that relationship with the game, the experience long way from the outcome, but about being a part of this game in a respectful, appropriate way.

Julian: Andy, can you give us an experience or a moment when you saw your own child or maybe you've seen somebody else demonstrate the idea of sportsmanship? What did that experience teach you and your child?

Andy: Yeah. You know, having coached for so many years and my daughter, in terms of her play, wasn't the kid who necessarily pressed me in terms of my coaching. She was a really compliant player. But being a psychologist and a coach of teams, one of the things that always happened to my teams is people knew what I did for a living. So, my teams were some of the most neurodivergent teams that you would ever see.

And we're talking about fairly, fairly young levels. So, we're talking kids, you know, elementary up through middle school. But the thing that would very commonly happen with my kids is that as they were coming to play the sports, what I would very frequently see is they lacked an array of certain skills in their daily lives. Neurodivergent kids tend to develop things at a different pace than other kids. So, I really had to approach coaching from more of a developmental perspective. So, let me let me break that down.

So, developmental perspective, meaning I was teaching kids about understanding the rules of the game, the turn-taking aspects of it, and about even being involved in how they accept and engage with coaching.

So, in teaching sportsmanship, I would have lots and lots of kids, particularly a young guy with ADHD who I worked with from the very beginning of his athletic career. And he came onto the field and he was either gathering daisies or wildly running around the field, oftentimes off the field or running to the snack shack or leaving the game in play. Or if somebody stole the ball from him, he would get really upset and I'd have to worry about whether or not he was going to knock somebody to the field.

And I think that what I learned pretty quickly after watching those first sort of practice and first game moments was that I had a different challenge on my hands. You know, I had a more developmental challenge, meaning this child didn't have some of those internal skills, those intrinsic skills of self-control, self-awareness, and navigating when things weren't going their way.

Julian: Right.

Andy: I worked with this kid for many years. He was, always got placed on my team for the obvious reasons. But one of the most important parts of this is we spent a lot of time before games and during practice talking about the expectations for the event. And I think in terms of like saying, "Hey, like, what is it that you can expect? Well, I can tell you you're going to expect that somebody is going to steal the ball from you. And that when you have the ball, someone's coming after you."

And I think that for kids who find the experience of sports unexpected because they have these fantasies of being great or that they're always going to score, he had frustration built into his experience.

So, after getting a lot of initial fouls in the early games, really setting expectations for him and teaching him some very simple skills. Things like, "OK, when you get the ball in one of these four parts of the field, what are the 1 or 2 things you're going to look for? If there's someone near to you who is open, I want you to pass that ball. If they're not, I want you to send the ball down to this part of the field."

I mean, we've got very, very specific teaching scenarios and circumstances. And I think that the more the game felt unexpected to him, the more he understood about the expectations of both coach and game. I started to see him have the experience of being able to feel a little bit more comfortable and being able to bring his thinking self forward. The other thing that was really important when working with this young man was also building in the expected responses of his teammates.

One of the things that I said to my, all of my coaching, my coaching kids was "When you're on the bench, yes, you're resting your legs. But I want to hear your voices. I want you paying attention to what your teammates are doing. If your teammate does something that's good, you need to let him know and let him know exactly what you liked. If something went wrong, hey, no big deal. They were they were communicating with each other about what we expected of each other."

Julian: Yes.

Andy: And I think that one of the things that this, particularly this boy with ADHD, was really able to benefit from was that he expected, regardless of what he did on that field, that he had the support of his teammates and that if he made a mistake, his teammates weren't on him. And if he did something, well, he was going to hear it. And I think that for that kid, you know, building in the idea of like this growth mindset that we're always trying to do better and do something new and remembering what went well and trying to move past things that didn't go well was really valuable for him.

And we were together for about four or five seasons consecutively, and I found that his sportsmanship at the end, he didn't become a fantastic player, but boy, he was one of my favorite teammates. He would help up kids if they fell down. He would cheer people on from the bench because what was happening was his peers were modeling that. That was the expectation of our team. And I think that what happened in that situation is we may not have won as many games as some other teams, but my teammates liked each other, they had fun, and they valued the game. And I think that in that situation, that was all that I could hope for as a coach of younger kids.

Julian: And that's one beautiful story in that it shows all the values that can come from a positive sports experience. You know, you touched on a lot of different small things that you did that over time can really build up a student and a child to become somebody that can exhibit sportsmanship.

(7:51) Challenges kids with learning and thinking differences face when practicing sportsmanship

Can you give us some more ideas or are some more examples of the types of challenges that students with learning and thinking differences might face when they're understanding and practicing sportsmanship?

Andy: Oh for sure. You know, I think part of sportsmanship is we have, we can't assume right out of the gates that kids are going to understand how the game is played. So, you know, kids with learning and thinking differences are more likely to be challenged in remembering and understanding the rules of the game. So, their knowledge and memory of what it is that they're really supposed to be doing in certain situations.

And if they're not able to do it, what typically happens is kids get sort of someone will call out, someone will yell, someone will get upset. And that makes it harder for them to think even in that moment. So, knowledge of rules. Learning new skills and how to perform. You know, when you play a game, when playing a game, you bring whatever skills you have in that moment. And learning new skills and learning new sequences of skills are things that can be really different for kids with learning and thinking differences.

Julian: The beauty of sports is it's almost instantaneous feedback, right? Like when you do the skills or when you practice the skills, then it's almost it's instantaneous. And it's also showing you, you know, whether you're successful or not, right? The ball goes in the hoop or the ball doesn't go in the hoop.

Andy: Right.

Julian: You make the pass and you don't make the pass.

Andy: Right.

Julian: You score or you don't score. So, it's really interesting to see how coaches, specifically coaches of younger kids, like you were saying, there's this great opportunity to start teaching some of those fundamental skills that not only translate on the field, but they translate into the classroom.

Andy: Absolutely. You know, when we when we talk about learning and thinking differences and how it affects gameplay, simple things like navigating frustration or confusion around things that are happening in that moment and really being willing for a lot of kids, you know, willingness to take risks. Like, you know, you think about, you know, the best pro athletes, the best pro athletes are the ones who want the ball in their hand, but they want the opportunity to be there when the game's on the line and they want that chance.

Well, they've developed that confidence by practicing, repeating the skills to the point of really knowing them well enough that they can repeat and replicate things they do well. And then they want to be in situations to have the big moment. But for a lot of kids, you're going to see kids run from the ball, pass away when they have an open shot or, you know, not put themselves in situations where they can show confidence in what they're doing.

And as coaches and as parents, this is an opportunity to say, "I want you to take these risks, not because I think you're scoring every time, but I want you to take this risk because I want you to have the opportunity to do something that's hard and see how it happens." And if the teammates and coach is supportive regardless of the outcome, kids are going to be more willing to step up in those situations. And, if you have four kids on your team who are willing to step up for that last-minute opportunity, that gives you way more chance to be successful as a team.

Julian: Right.

Andy: So, you know, for me, that's a huge part of this. And the other part is how they respond to teaching in terms of how kids respond to coaching and teaching during times of stress and when performance matters. You know, playing in a game is like taking a test in school. You know, you either have to practice and get your stuff together before you sat down at that test in order to really feel like you were ready to do well.

Yeah, sometimes you might get an easier task. That might be something you remember, but for the most part, what you practice and how you practice is how you're going to play. And I always want kids to have that mindset, that practice well, practice with intention, and practice with attention to the fact that these things like learning how to calm yourself when you mess a shot, learning how to rely on your teammates and be open to that praise and support you get during the game, that will help you sort of, you know, leverage those skills for life because sports are a great metaphor for life.

Julian: That they are. And that's one of the unifying factors of sports, right? Like it's it's one of the few things in our society that it crosses all types of demographic lines. It crosses all types of societal groups. And, you know, people can find ways to apply the lessons that come from sports into their day-to-day lives. But the majority of people are not Coach Andy in that they don't have the background you have.

(12:20) Ways to teach kids sportsmanship

For those of us that are coaches out there or even parents of children with learning and thinking differences that are playing sports or trying to play sports, can you give us, you know, 3 or 4 very specific strategies or techniques that you use when Coach Andy is coaching sportsmanship to his kids?

Andy: Absolutely. First and foremost is: Be clear in setting your expectations both in practice and during games for what you expect of the kids and make sure those expectations are consistent with what they've already shown you they're capable of doing. So, if you've got a beginning athlete and your goal is, "Hey, I want you to try to be in position as much as you can be," and teaching them that skill in advance and letting them know what you really want from them in that situation. And make sure that what you do in the games matches what you do in practice.

You know, the idea that really all we're doing is putting practice into the game and the game situation. Part two is: Practice what you preach as it relates to being a good... showing good sportsmanship. Speak with respect to your kids. Be aware that if you've got children who are sensitive to negative feedback and you're in a demand situation, like during a game, that your child doesn't need to be scolded in this situation. The kids need to know, "Hey, OK, this is what went wrong. This is what we're going to do next time. Way to keep at it and keep trying."

Being encouraging during that moment is so, so important because it encourages kids to keep attempting even when they're not successful. Also, in modeling what you ask the kids to do. Praising the efforts that you see on the field. Part of sportsmanship, particularly for younger kids, is praising the efforts of all athletes. So, if your team comes down on a goal and someone makes a great defensive play and the ball moves the other way, I've got no issue saying "Great play, D" or "Great save, goalie" or, you know, "Great block, center" or, you know, whatever.

I want kids to know that when I see something praiseworthy on the field, I'm going to take notice of it because I want my kids to learn from their opponents as much as they learn from their teammates. And I think there's something to be said for that, particularly in youth sports, when their kids are pretty young. The games are most fun when we treat the game with respect and we share that message not only with our kids, but I share that message with parents.

So, with youth coaching, wherever humanly possible, if you've got an extra ten minutes or you've got a really active parent who's looking to help you out, little newsletters, things that set the expectation, what you want your kids to be focused on. If you echo that to the caretaker of your kids who are playing for you and you share that week to week, the parents then become part of your team in a way that if they're cheering their kids on, they know your expectations.

They may know your expectations for not coaching from the sidelines. Nothing's more disruptive to a game that when you've got a coach on the sidelines and 12 of them in the stands. And if that becomes a competing set of interests, kids are going to be confused. So, also pre-teaching parents about your expectations for them, how they can help their kids develop.

Julian: Right. But reinforcing the idea of modeling, of setting expectations, of essentially, you know, don't talk about it, be about it, right?

Andy: Exactly.

Julian: Like, if we're playing a team, no matter how competitive you are during the game when the game is over, we all are playing a game together and we leave it on the field. And we want maximum effort on the field. But once it's over, we leave it on the field.

Andy: For sure.

Julian: I can keep talking to you all day about coaching. You know, you're a soccer coach. I coach basketball. I coach baseball. I love sports. And I think it's one of the things that really sets apart the experience for our kids with learning and thinking differences. We support it. It's a great outlet for so much of those that have lots of energy and the immediate feedback and the team work that you can get from sports is such an amazing, beautiful thing for kids.

OG family, I hope that you've gained some valuable insights into the importance of teaching sportsmanship to kids with learning and thinking differences. I want to say a big thank you again to my good friend Dr. Andy for joining us. OG family, be sure to check out his podcast. It has fantastic. "Parenting Behavior with Dr. Andy Kahn." We will make sure to link it in the show notes. Dr. Andy, thank you so much for joining us.

Andy: Thanks, Julian. It's a pleasure being here.

Julian: Until next time, OG family. See you out there.

Thanks so much for listening today. We love hearing from our listeners. So, if you have any thoughts about today's episode, you can email us at opportunitygap@understood.org. And be sure to check out the show notes for links and resources to anything we mentioned in the episode.

This show is brought to you by Understood.org. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences like ADHD and dyslexia.

The "Opportunity Gap" is produced by the Tara Drinks and edited by Daniela Tello-Garzon. Our theme music was written by Justin D. Wright, who also mixes the show. Ash Beecher is our supervising producer. Briana Berry is our production director. Neil Drumming is our editorial director. Our executive directors are Laura Key, Scott Cocchiere, and Seth Melnick. Thanks again for listening.