ADHD and: Anger

Imagine rushing to get out the door for an appointment and realizing your keys are missing again. You run through the house, searching from room to room. Your heart is racing and you become frustrated as time passes. 

After what feels like minutes, you finally find them buried under a pile of mail on the table. You’re relieved but you’re also angry. It’s an all-too-common experience for some women with ADHD. A minor frustration turning into an intense moment of anger. 

Listen as Dr. J explains the connection between ADHD and anger. Hear how ADHD can influence emotions. And learn coping strategies.

Related resources

• ADHD and anger

• 5 ways ADHD can affect social skills

Episode transcript

Dr. J: All of us experience anger from time to time. And the same is true for women with ADHD. This is "ADHD and." I'm your host, Dr. J, and today we're talking about anger. 

First off, people often use the words anger and rage interchangeably, but they're not really the same. At least not exactly. Anger is an emotion, and just like any emotion, it can vary in its intensity and duration. Rage is an intense form of anger, and it's often experienced as uncontrollable and can lead to problems with irrational thinking and acting out in ways that we probably wouldn't prefer. Knowing the differences between the two is key in recognizing what interventions might be necessary. 

Anger oftentimes can be handled with good communication skills and problem-solving. Rage, on the other hand, might require more intense intervention, especially if we're chronically dysregulated in these ways. And what chronic dysregulation means is that you routinely struggle with overwhelming or intense emotions. Today, we're going to be looking at ADHD and anger, and is there a correlation between the two. 

A few different studies have highlighted the specific aspects of anger that people with ADHD may have trouble with. People with ADHD may experience more anger during times when they have to shift their attention. Being able to shift your attention from one task to another is a part of executive functioning. Executive functioning includes the ability to plan or organize, to be able to notice where our progress is with a particular task, or to be able to shift our attention, among other things. 

And people with ADHD often have trouble with various aspects of executive functioning. When a person with ADHD is angry or frustrated with their issues with executive functioning, what might happen is this anger may come out as verbal or physical aggression, and this can be towards others who are close by or towards yourself. Being able to identify triggers for anger involves a combination of self-awareness, observation, and reflection. 

Here, I'm going to provide you with some steps so that you can be able to recognize what might be causing your anger. The first step is to keep an anger journal. So, what you want to do is you want to take note of when you feel angry. What was happening when you were angry? Did you happen to be stressed or hungry or tired? Were there other emotions that showed up before, along with or immediately after your experience of anger? 

Keeping an anger journal allows you to have a healthy catharsis of your experience, and it also allows you to get deeper insights into yourself, which brings me to my next step. My next step is to look for patterns. 

So, for example, you might notice that you experience anger when you're stuck in traffic or when you have to deal with a particular co-worker. Being aware of the situations that rub you the wrong way creates an opportunity for you to develop a coping plan beforehand. 

My third step is to reflect on personal experiences. Understanding our history with anger helps us in the present moment. So, for example, if you know that you learned in early childhood to withdraw or engage in the silent treatment when you experience anger, having those connections and understandings will help you to see your patterns and also introduce healthier coping patterns. 

Step four is to notice how stress impacts your anger. So, watch out for physical cues like clenched fists or tightness in your chest. And you may also want to look out for cognitive cues as well, which can be shifts in your thinking patterns. So, moving from more neutral or positive thought patterns to more judgmental and negative ones. 

Step five is to get feedback. Talk to friends, family, your therapist, or even co-workers because they might notice patterns in your anger that you're unaware of. Make sure that you talk to people that you trust, and try your best to remain open to the feedback that you receive. 

Step six is to try mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness can help you stay in the present moment, and it makes you more aware of your emotions as they arise in real time. One of the other things that I love about mindfulness is it allows you to be less impulsive in your responses to your emotions. 

OK, so now that I've given you these steps, I really want to introduce a technique that I love. That technique is progressive muscle relaxation or PMR. And it can be really clutch in managing anger. PMR helps you focus on your body and regain control, and this is particularly useful when emotions are overwhelming. Regular practice of PMR can reduce your stress overall, which is helpful when dealing with unwanted emotions like anger. 

Now I'm going to talk you through some of the steps of PMR so that you can get a sense of what it will be like. Before you begin, find a quiet space and a comfortable position. This could be seated or lying down. What's also really important is that you remove distractions from your environment, like TV or your phone. Then you start by taking slow, deep breaths. This can aid in calming the mind and preparing the body for relaxation. 

One way to do this is to inhale deeply through your nose for a count of four, hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale through your mouth for a count of four. And something that I like to add when I do PMR is when you're relaxing, say the word "relax" in your mind. 

Now let's focus on the chest and the stomach. Start by taking a breath, sucking everything inward towards your spine, and hold that tension for several seconds. Then release everything on an exhale and allow that tension to melt away. 

You can even use PMR for your facial muscles. So, one way to do this is to actually scrunch your face. You can do this by squeezing your eyes shut tightly and clenching your jaw. Hold that facial expression for several seconds and then release. With PMR, you can repeat as necessary. So, when you're doing it initially, you can go from head to toe and focus on your entire body. Or you can hone in on specific areas where you're noticing that you're carrying anger or tension. 

While you're doing these exercises, pay close attention to the contrast between the sensations of tension and the sensations of relaxation. And that's it for today. Thank you for joining me on this episode of "ADHD and."

This show is brought to you by Understood.org, a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences like ADHD and dyslexia. Learn more at Understood.org. 

"ADHD and" is produced by Tara Drinks and edited by Alyssa Shea. Our video producer is Calvin Knie. Ilana Millner is our supervising producer. Briana Berry is our production director. Neil Drumming is our editorial director. Our audio engineer and music composer is Justin D. Wright. Our executive directors are Laura Key, Scott Cocchiere, and Seth Melnick. And I'm your host, Dr. J.