Tips from an ADHD Coach: When the chaos stops

People with ADHD sometimes put off doing things because it feels like too much with “everything else” going on. But, when “everything else” stops and we have free time to do whatever we want, it can also make us unproductive. 

ADHD coach Jaye Lin talks about what happens when the chaos stops, but we still can’t get things done. Listen for some tips on how to get just the right amount of stress to actually be productive. 

Related resources

• When “ditzy” is finally diagnosed as ADHD (Jen’s story)

• Trouble getting work done is real. Executive function challenges may be the culprit.

• The pressure to be productive with ADHD (Dani Donovan’s story)

Timestamps

(00:40) Jen’s quote

(03:05) Jaye’s reaction

(03:37) Why a lot of ADHDers live in a constant state of chaos

(04:49) The burnout that comes after living in chaos for too long

(06:16) Why having nothing to do actually works against productivity

(08:02) Finding the right balance of stress

(09:57) Keep windows of work time shorter

(11:33) Make mini-deadlines for yourself, and tell others about what you plan to have done

(13:40) Recap

Have a challenge you’d like Jaye to talk about in an episode? Email or send a voice memo to us at adhdcoachtips@understood.org.

Episode transcript

Jaye: Have you ever neglected something important in your life because there was too much to do? Have you ever experienced that chaos stopping finally allowing you to do all those things you wanted to do with more free time? And were you able to do those things once you had more free time?

This is "Tips from an ADHD Coach," and I'm your coach, Jaye Lin. Today we're talking about the chaos in our lives and what can happen when the chaos disappears. We're going to hear from Jen, who was on another Understood.org podcast "ADHD Aha!" about what happened to her after the Covid pandemic changed her daily routine.

(00:40) Jen's quote

Jen: I'm someone who has always been chaotic, overwhelmed, and I have a lot going on. So, there's always an excuse for my chaos. I can't really function that well in a lot of ways, but I have four kids and they're, you know, until recently, we're all under ten. So, of course, I'm chaotic. And suddenly the pandemic happened and I really went into myself. I, I actually found it quite calming not having to do the scheduled everything, even though it was, you know, it was difficult trying to keep everyone happy at home.

But actually, I find life stressful. I find scheduling stressful. I find getting places on time stressful. So, not having that really allowed me to breathe. And this was the first time, I guess you could say that I had come up for air, that I was able to be lucid. I didn't have hormones coursing through me. I wasn't pregnant or trying to get pregnant or feeding or whatever it was that I wasn't actively grieving in the way that I think I had been through so much of this period.

And I was in this very strange place for me, which was happy and calm and not overly anxious and not depressed. And I felt creative and I felt like I was bonding with my kids. However, something was weird, something wasn't right, and I couldn't pinpoint it and I was struggling to find it.

And, you know, this is why I went into therapy. I was looking under every rock trying to figure out what this thing was, and nobody was giving me the answers until suddenly I started seeing all of these things about how, you know, all of these terms that I had been referred to my whole life started coming together as a diagnosis.

And that was just a very sort of, I think that was an "aha" for me because everyone had always called me really ditzy and I was always considered really out of it and kind of, I don't know, lost and messy and disorganized and I can't clean my house. And I remember having this conversation with my friends saying "I'm really stressed out because the pandemic has made my house unlivable practically. I don't know what to do, but I don't even know where to start."

And she had sort of said, "Well, you're probably too depressed to clean it." And that really stood out for me because I wasn't depressed. And I said, "No, I'm happy. I just can't physically do it." So, it's sort of this combination of those moments. Maybe it was that conversation even.

(03:05) Jaye's reaction

Jaye: The pandemic had a similar effect on me as it did on Jen. In a lot of ways, the pandemic was a rough transition and also not having to schedule social events and commute to work gave me a new sense of calmness from the freedom around how I needed to use my time. And yes, just like Jen, this calm freedom actually contributed to me having a harder time doing anything.

(03:37) Why a lot of ADHDers live in a constant state of chaos

Most ADHD people I know live their lives in a constant state of chaos. And it's easy to understand why. A lot of our motivating energy is driven by interest and especially new interests. This means that there's often more we want to do, exciting things we want to be a part of, and a constant desire to do more. But outside of why we tend to pack a lot into our days, the chaos in our lives also helps with completing things.

Since adrenaline leads to higher levels of dopamine, coming up against a deadline gives us an extra boost of energy and focus to start and complete what we need to. This means that having a consistent series of achievable deadlines can lead to us starting and finishing more things. This is especially helpful when we finish each of these tasks before the deadline because we get a big boost of dopamine that can fuel us for the next task.

The dopamine releases from adrenaline also explain why most ADHD people I know say that they do well in moments of crisis. When everyone else is panicking, it's common for us to have a level head because the surges in adrenaline and dopamine can center our thoughts and supercharge the executive function in our brains. But there's a limit.

(04:49) The burnout that comes after living in chaos for too long

Our bodies and brains are not meant to be in supercharged mode for long periods of time. So after a while, we can start to feel worn down.

This commonly happens right before a lot of my clients come to me. They are burned out, worn out, and tired of the chaos in their lives. They remember a time when they were productive at superhero levels and want to get back to that because they can't seem to get themselves to do much anymore. When we have too much on our plate, it's common for us to get overly stressed to the point where we are no longer very effective.

That ideal level of dopamine and adrenaline that powered us before has been overshot, and at that level of stress, executive function plummets. At that point, it's harder to prioritize, harder to figure out the steps we needed to get things done and harder to get ourselves to do what needs to be done. A lot of my clients come to me right after they quit the chaos of their lives. They quit their jobs, they dropped out of college, or they arranged for more childcare.

They were neglecting some important parts of their lives, like cleaning their house or starting a side business for their passions, because there was always too much going on to have time to do those things. But then they found they couldn't get themselves to do those important parts even when the chaos was gone. What they experience is very similar to what Jen experienced in the pandemic.

(06:16) Why having nothing to do actually works against productivity

They no longer feel the pull, the stress, the anxiety of what was making their lives chaotic before. There is a sense of relief and calm. And yet they can't seem to get anything done.

This is usually confusing to them because if they can't seem to get things done because they never have enough time to do them, having an overabundance of time to do things should allow them to get it all done, right? Well, no, unfortunately. Wrong. This is because when all of the demands in our life are removed, we tend not to have enough stimulation to work on things productively. It's a swing from overstimulation and being overly stressed to under-stimulation and not stressed enough.

With ADHD, we often operate on a now or not now basis, and when we can do things later, we tend to put it off. So, if there are no deadlines, no expectations, no external stress to stimulate us into starting something, we usually don't. And when we do start it, when it's not urgent to do so, we're usually not stimulated enough to make a lot of progress or keep going.

An example of this is when I start working on a podcast episode when I know I don't have to turn it in for weeks. I stare at the screen, I type out a few sentences, and then delete most of it because it's not great. And then I allow myself to get distracted by social media and chat messages with my friends. My brain just doesn't seem to have enough juice to put out anything good. For me, writing the majority of each episode on the day it's due actually improves its quality.

(08:02) Finding the right balance of stress

So, if we need to have enough stress to make any progress, but having too much stress and or being in a supercharged state for too long both tend to be unproductive, what can we do? This is something my clients asked me a lot. They tend to feel like there's no hope because having a lot of stress made them unproductive and also having no stress made them unproductive. So, does this mean they're just doomed to be unproductive? No, it's not what that means.

Having all the stress and having none of the stress can make us unproductive. But there's a big window of productivity between those two extremes. First, let's talk about how much time we can expect to be in a supercharged state. A lot of us expect ourselves to be at peak productivity for the whole day.

So, for example, if I was able to write one podcast episode in three hours of the day on the day it's due and I have the whole day to work on episodes, that would mean I should be able to write two and a half episodes, right? No, absolutely not. Writing these podcast episodes takes a lot of focus and brainpower, and when I'm done, I feel pretty depleted.

While we can do a lot in a short period of time, it doesn't translate as being able to work at that speed for the whole day. That's because, after a while, our brains will need to rest and recharge. I usually don't recommend doing intense focused work for more than 2 to 3 hours a day. This actually mimics what most office employees do on a workday. It's usually not eight hours of complex, focused work. They're usually staff meetings, answering emails, and tasks under ten minutes littered throughout the workday.

If it takes three hours for me to write an episode the day it's due, for the rest of the day, I try to schedule in work that is lighter and doesn't require as much focus and continued attention like answering emails or ordering office supplies.

(09:57) Keep windows of work time shorter

Next up, keep the window of work time shorter. When we say we have five hours to work on something, what is the likelihood that we will work on it in the first, second or even third hour? It's common for us to procrastinate on working on something if we think it's going to take us forever. The shorter and more approachable a task is, the more likely we can get started on it right away.

I suggest planning for 45 minutes to 60 minutes of focused attention blocks. Do what you think is 45 minutes of work and give yourself 60 minutes of time to do it. Make sure there is just a little more than exactly enough time to do a task. It's also common for us to skip doing something when we don't think there's enough time to get it all done.

If you are able to, schedule your day so you have the ideal amount of work blocks in your day. I try to break up my day so I have 1 to 2 hours of work time between meetings. I do this because if I have four hours of solo work time in my day, even if I'm breaking it into 60-minute blocks, I know that I will have to work on stuff for four hours straight, and it's more likely for me to procrastinate on getting started on anything.

If I know I only have 60 minutes to get something done here or there, I tend to get going on it right away. I will note that while this works best for me and a lot of people I know, everyone is different. You might want to make the blocks between meetings a little longer if you need a little longer to transition in and out of doing something or if you need some downtime after having meetings with other people.

(11:33) Make mini-deadlines for yourself, and tell others about what you plan to have done

My next step is to make more concrete mini-deadlines for those focused work blocks. Tell collaborators what you plan on showing them at the end of when you plan on having it done. This makes the deadline a more real deadline. We know when something is a false deadline and can ignore it, but when other people are involved, it changes.

It's like leaving early to go to the airport. I'll tell myself I'm leaving at 3 p.m. because it's good to have a half-hour buffer and not have to risk missing my flight. But if I'm going to the airport by myself, I know about the buffer and I'll probably leave late then be anxious until I'm at the gate. But when I told my friend Kristin to meet me at my house a half hour early so we could go to the airport together, I was ready to go way before our meeting time.

Allowing other people to know what we plan on showing them means we're less likely to treat it like a false deadline. Lastly, don't overschedule and don't underschedule. Don't try to maximize every second of your day or have a to-do list that's really long and impossible to complete. Schedule just a little under what you think is possible to do in a day, where being able to finish everything on the list means victory.

And don't under-schedule. I always chuckle when people say they cleared their whole day to do this one thing that takes an hour. For basically the entire day they stress themselves out while procrastinating and then do it at the last second or sometimes not at all. And even when it's done, they don't feel good about it. Having a lot to do in a day isn't a bad thing. As long as you feel good about getting things done and you're able to rest afterward, pack that day up. As long as it's still possible to get through everything and recover.

And when you do get things done, stop to acknowledge that you did it. Because the dopamine we get from feeling good about doing stuff helps us do the next thing and the next thing and the next. Because we want to do a lot of things, and feeling good about getting things done allows us to do more and feel good about it.

(13:40) Recap

While too much chaos and demands in our lives can make us anxious and unproductive, removing the chaos and demands from our lives often puts us in an under-stimulated state that can make us unable to start or finish what we want to have done. Between the extremes of too much chaos and stress and no house or stress is a sweet spot range where we are our most productive.

If we limit our intense focused work to 2 to 3 hours a day, break up what we're working on into shorter work periods, and bring others in to keep us accountable, we can get a lot more productivity out of ourselves without getting into anxious territory. We are most productive when we have just enough time in the day to complete everything we plan to do and have enough time afterward to rest and recharge.

So, it's important to only plan to do what's possible to complete in one workday and celebrate completing each task because the dopamine we get from wins powers us forward because we want to do a lot and feeling good about getting things done allows us to do more.

Thanks for listening. You've been listening to "Tips from an ADHD Coach" on the Understood Podcast Network. If you have a challenge that you'd like me to talk about on air or would just like to say hi, you can email us at ADHDCoachTips@understood.org. You can also check out the show notes to find links to anything mentioned in the show and more resources.

This show is brought to you by Understood.org. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at Understood.org/give.

"Tips from an ADHD Coach" is produced and edited by Jessamine Molli and Margie DeSantis. Our theme music was written by Justin D. Wright, who also makes the show. Ilana Millner and Ash Beecher are our supervising producers. Briana Berry is our production director and Neil Drumming is our editorial director. For Understood.org, our executive directors are Laura Key, Scott Cocchiere, and Seth Melnick. And I'm your host, Jaye Lin. Thanks for listening.