Kids often feel shame when they fail at something.
Failing can be an opportunity for growth.
There are ways to help kids see wins even when they fail.
When kids do poorly on tests, projects, or activities, they can view it as a failure. And if it happens regularly, they can view themselves as a failure. That’s especially true of kids with learning differences or ADHD who have frequent setbacks.
But there are ways for kids to feel success even when they fail or something doesn’t go well. It all depends on how they view and respond to a negative result — both at the time and moving forward.
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Kids often feel shame when they fail, instead of thinking about what went well and what went wrong. But failing is really an opportunity for growth and improvement. If kids see it that way and take positive steps, they can find positives in their “failure.”
Here are some of the wins that can come from failing at something:
Trying new strategies
Learning about themselves
Taking risks
Seeing strengths and challenges
Self-advocating
Developing a growth mindset
Kids often need help seeing these positives and understanding how much value they have.
When the adults in their lives point out and celebrate the positives, it can help change how kids feel about themselves and their potential.
Dive deeper
Giving the right type of praise can help kids focus on small successes, even if the overall result isn’t great. The most effective praise focuses on a child’s efforts, not the outcome. That recognition can be a big boost to their self-esteem and motivation.
Praising effort instead of results also helps kids think about what theyvalue beyond just a good grade or a winning score.
When kids have a growth mindset, they believe their skills can improve with work and support. They’re not stuck with the level or ability they have right now, even if they’re failing. Kids with a growth mindset have the motivation to keep trying.
The opposite is a fixed mindset. When kids fail or face challenges, they believe they are stuck where they are and can’t improve.
Parents, caregivers, and teachers can all help kids develop a growth mindset so setbacks don’t define who kids are or keep them from trying.
Kids may think that asking for help is a sign of weakness, especially when they’ve just done poorly on something. They may feel like it makes them even more of a “failure” to seek support. But self-advocating when things don’t go well is a win that should be celebrated.
Kids can take a small but important step by telling their teachers when they don’t understand a question on a test. And asking for help with understanding a concept can be even more empowering.
Kids can talk about their challenges and speak up when they have questions or need help. And when they do, be sure to give positive feedback so they see the value in self-advocating when things go wrong.
