If you’re overwhelmed by the intense emotion or worn down by the behavior, walk away from it for a short while (as long as everyone is safe).
Quick tip 2
Talk in a calm voice.
Talk in a calm voice.
Avoid showing emotion or matching kids’ tone of voice. Try to keep your voice steady and calm, even if they’re yelling.
Quick tip 3
Name the behavior and emotion.
Name the behavior and emotion.
During heated moments, kids may not realize how they’re acting. Be specific: “You’ve been complaining for over an hour” or “You seem very sad.”
Quick tip 4
Save conversations for later.
Save conversations for later.
Don’t try to have a big discussion when kids are upset. Wait until they have a little more control and can “hear” you. Explain what you saw, and ask them to share what they think happened and how it felt.
It’s not unusual for preschoolers to burst into tears when they “ruin” their drawing. Most 10-year-olds wouldn’t do that, though. They typically have more ability to manage their emotions.
But some kids struggle with managing emotions even as they get older. They might still have outbursts or get overly upset when something goes wrong. Or slip into a bad mood that goes on and on.
These challenges can sometimes be a matter of maturity. Stress and anxiety can also play a role. But a common cause is trouble with self-control.
Kids who have a hard time managing emotions don’t only struggle with negative ones. They can get caught up in feelings of joy or anticipation, too. Some get overexcited about social activities or other events.
Dive deeper
It’s often clear when kids have a hard time managing emotions. They cry or have tantrums or even get aggressive. But some signs are less obvious. For example, kids might:
Be quick to get frustrated and give up
Worry too much or too long over minor things
Often feel hurt, misunderstood, or like a victim
Have trouble letting go of things that are upsetting
Kids have a hard time with emotions for different reasons. These include stress and mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Kids who experience trauma may also struggle.
It’s very common for kids with ADHD to have trouble managing emotions. ADHD is a problem with executive function, a group of mental skills that includes self-control.
Many kids with ADHD get better at managing emotions as they develop. But ADHD is a lifelong condition, and some continue to have trouble with it into their teen and young adult years.
There are many ways to help kids who have trouble managing emotions. A good first step is for families and teachers to connect and share information about what they’re seeing. Parents and caregivers should also talk with their child’s doctor.
For parents and caregivers: Learn how to look for patterns in behavior that you can share with teachers and medical professionals.
Step away.
